Song of Solomon 2;16, ‘My beloved is mine, and I am his……’

God in His divine wisdom fashioned both our bodies and emotions to go through several phases before, during, and after sexual intercourse. The similarities and differences between how males and females experience these phases is reviewed below.


  1. Phase One: Desire.

This phase of sexual response refers to openness to or seeking out sexual activity. Thinking about sex (anticipation) is a key component of sexual desire. Numerous factors can enhance or block sexual desire.

Over time, you can learn about and discuss what your preferences are. Some things to consider are: Energy level, Location, Sounds, music, lighting, Interruption free, Soothing scents, Clothing, Comfortable temperature and Adequate time.


  1. Phase Two: Arousal.
  1. Building arousal – focusing on sensations.

 Arousal refers to the building of pleasurable sexual and physical tension as a result of focusing on and nurturing sexual feelings. Both men and women experience a number of physical changes in their bodies as arousal occurs. Arousal focuses your attention on the senses and on enhancing pleasure.

Start with non-genital caressing, kissing, and cuddling, slowly moving toward genital pleasuring. During this time begin gentle, mutual exploration. Pay attention to the senses you are experiencing in the present moment and let passion build. This is a time to verbally honor and express love to your spouse.

      2. Building arousal – foreplay.

Foreplay is a chance for you to show love and honor to your spouse. It is making love. Lack of adequate foreplay is one of the most common reasons for sexual dissatisfaction and/or sexual dysfunction in couples.

       3. Be understanding of differences.

 Each spouse will have different preferences about what does and does not feel good. What feels good to you may feel uncomfortable to your spouse. Therefore, communication about preferences is very important! The principle of “honoring and preferring” one another means we seek to bless our spouse by learning about, and adjusting to, his/her preferences.


  1. Phase Three: Orgasm.

 Orgasm is a significant increase and peaking of sexual excitement and arousal. Both men and women experience a significant number of physical changes as they reach climax. Orgasm involves letting go of control and allowing oneself to feel the intensity of the experience. Orgasm is an intersection of the physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual dimensions of our being.


     4. Phase Four: Resolution.

 The resolution phase is the period after orgasm in which a couple has the opportunity to spend time enjoying and holding each other. Both spouses experience their physical bodies relaxing and decreasing in intensity. Resolution can be deeply personal and affirming and is a time to verbally honor and express love to your spouse. It is not a time to critique your spouse or your sexual relationship.