Sexual intimacy was designed by God to bring tight connection and joy between two adults of the opposite sex, who have decided to live together in a holy matrimony. But because of its abuse and unrealistic expectations, the purpose of this precious blessing is no often realized. Misunderstandings from either party might totally ruin the ecstasy envision to be brought by this act. Here are hints that might help enhance your sexual intimacy life;
- Reduce performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety is one of the most common sources of sexual problems. It results from negative self-talk. Spouses are often completely unaware of each other’s self-talk. Performance is overrated and skewed by the media and culture of today.
Remember, sex is about pleasure, not performance. Satisfaction with sexuality is less about “achieving” orgasm than it is about enjoying the journey and “arriving” there. Relax, be yourself, and enjoy the moment.
Also, you do not have to have orgasms at the same time in order to have high sexual satisfaction in your marriage. If it happens, it happens; if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
- 2. Ensure adequate lubrication.
The amount of natural lubrication a woman has will vary widely over time. Inadequate lubrication is a common issue and can be a painful problem. It is however important to note that petroleum-based lubricants should be avoided at all cost.
- 3. Make time.
Many couples expect their sexual relationship to be “spontaneous.” However, with busy schedules, children, etc., couples can find connecting difficult. You need to prioritize and plan time for your sex life. Make effort to deal with distractions and mentally anticipate being sexually intimate.
- Deal with negative attitudes toward sexuality in marriage.
(i) If your sexual life is within God’s boundaries, you do not need to feel guilt, shame, or embarrassment associated with sexuality (Genesis 2:25; Hebrews 13:4).
(ii) If you find you have some lingering negative attitudes toward sexuality in marriage, repeating the following affirmations can be helpful in assisting you in shifting your thinking.
- Get your expectations in line with reality.
Each spouse needs to accept and adjust to his or her spouse’s sexual comfort zone. Note that not all orgasms are “off the charts.” Focus, instead, on deepening the quality of your sexual relationship. Do not allow yourself to wish your spouse was like someone else.
- Deal with letdowns due to inaccurate expectations.
Many couples experience disappointment in their sexual lives because of inaccurate expectations. Forgive yourself and each other and move on! You don’t have to repeat the mistakes of the past. Rather, you can learn about sexuality together. Practice makes perfect!
- Deal with differences in sex drives.
(i) This is perhaps the most common sexual issue affecting married couples. Adapting and adjusting to sex drive differences is the key. Good communication and attention to the marital relationship allows couples to work through this issue and find acceptable options.
(ii) Differences in male and female sexual response cycles can lead to mismatches in sexual timing. Husbands generally have higher sex drives than wives; however, in some couples this pattern is reversed.
(iii) Couples need to remember that many times, wives will not necessarily feel intense sexual desire at the beginning of lovemaking.
(iv) Husbands, remember that applying guilt and pressure will not help your wife to feel more sexual desire. Conversely, showing her affection, respect, and honor will generally increase her sex drive.
- Deal with the effects of sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse experiences can significantly affect one’s ability to enjoy Godly, healthy sexuality. If you have experienced sexual abuse, professional Christian counseling is highly recommended to help you work through the abuse and its relationship to marital sexuality. Be encouraged. These issues can be overcome!
- Deal with issues proactively.
(i) Learn more about marital sexuality and solutions to common sexual problems (e.g., premature
ejaculation, difficulty achieving orgasm, very low/absent sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, etc.).
(ii) Read a high quality book on sexuality together and talk about it.
(iii) Don’t be afraid to seek counsel from your elder.
(iv) Don’t be afraid to seek professional Christian counseling for a sexual issue.
BY KENNEDY O. BARUKH.